You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
