you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
