You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
