I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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