i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
