making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
