Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
