YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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