I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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