Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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