i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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