I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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