He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
