Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
