Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm passing your future prison.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
