peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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