I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
