Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
