Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
