he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I cut my penus on the lid.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
