I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
