Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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