Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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