just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
