I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
