I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
