Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Another day, another engagement, another cat
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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