Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
