she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i out mim tonsoeep
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