then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
