Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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