a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
