He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
