i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
