i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
handjob tips. give me some.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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