his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
