stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
