just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize