i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
