It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I will pee on everything he values.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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