are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
