I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
