Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
