i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Everclear isn't food dammit
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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