Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
