Im at strip club and am horny
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
