I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
