Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
