he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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