I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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