The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
