never play flip cup with pint glasses
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize