4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
