I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
