I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Your cock deserves a montage
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
