My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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