Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
