conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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