I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
