Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
