btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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