So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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