i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
