My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
