today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
