Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
