I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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