Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
