I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
