Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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